IT IS FAR BETTER TO BE ALONE, THAN TO BE IN BAD COMPANY.
How can I let you be a priority in my life, when I'm still an option in your life? Hussein Nishah
THERE ARE SOME CHAINS THAT WILL MAKE YOU HAPPY...
TRY SOME FROM THE MEROLA COLLECTION
We all know relatives, friends or colleagues who are in relationships that seem to be permanently marred in unhappiness. Yet, despite constantly complaining, they carry on in their rickety relationship rickshaw that threatens to disintegrate at any time–even with nuts and bolts flying everywhere!
These situations are not just stressful for the people who are in these relationships, but also for their loved ones who listen to their daily tales of woe. You invest time in getting them to feel more empowered, only to watch them return to the same stalemate later on in the day.
But what makes people stay in bad relationships when they, and everyone else, can see it for what it is? Or perhaps, you are that person stuck in this rot and are unable to break free.
Fear of being alone
People can become so worried about the idea that they may end up on their own, that they stay in situations that are not healthy. The truth is that loneliness is a state of mind, not a state of being. Many people in relationships feel lonelier than people who are single.
Fear of being on your own is, inadvertently, fear of being alive. We were born free and alone, the same way as we will die. Unless you can embrace the beauty of this solitude in which you were born, how can you embrace everything else about life?
Fear of not meeting someone else
Perhaps they think they are too old, not attractive, haven’t anything to offer someone else or have a multitude of other reasons about why they would not meet another person. Yet this goes much deeper; it stems from a lack of self-confidence. Building a stronger connection within one's own inner self and valuing one's self-esteem will reveal something completely different. There are roughly seven billion people in the world, so in actuality, the chances of meeting someone else is much higher than the chances of NOT meeting someone else.
People get caught within habit-forming cycles. For instance, their partner may know exactly how they like their coffee in the morning, or they may share the same friends or some other sort of pattern-forming routine which creates psychological comfort. Then, once the aforementioned fears are added to the mix, it further fuels a new fear: fear of change. Instead of embracing something new (that could potentially make them happier), it feels “psychologically safer” to remain in an unhappy yet familiar place.
It’s very common to hear the excuse of needing to stay for the children–or even for the financial ties such as mortgages. For any relationship that is dysfunctional, “staying for the children” only promotes an unhealthy environment for children, who are, more than likely, used to their parents' feuding. This can be toxic for everyone in the household.
The reality is that leaving is not often as easy or as straightforward. As human beings, people are nostalgic and sentimental creatures, craving the promise of "what ifs". But, the only person with the power to make that choice is them–not you. The best you can do is to not talk about their ongoing failing relationship, but instead, help them to recognise that true happiness comes from within. Once they are able to learn that their happiness depends on them (not someone else), it will help to give them the strength to make the decision that is right for them. They will either try to work things out in a more positive and healthy way, or realise what they truly deserve from a partner and move on.
"I USED TO THINK THAT THE WORST THING IN LIFE WOULD BE TO END UP ALL ALONE, IT'S NOT, THE WORST THING IN LIFE IS TO END UP WITH PEOPLE THAT MAKE YOU FEEL ALL ALONE", ~ROBIN WILLIAMS
"Don't be too scared of the shadows of all those beautiful things that could exist beyond what you see." ~ J.S. von Dacre